A classic from the archives of the Typical White Person

3/30/2009
These are exciting times, are they not? After Congress demoralized auto makers on the Hill late last year, seeking to improve their own visibility and sense of POWER, while treating CEOs as buffoons and further WRECKing their brands, we are now faced with a new development:

GM CEO resigns at Obama’s behest 

The Obama administration asked Rick Wagoner, the chairman and CEO of General Motors, to step down and he agreed, a White House official said.

On Monday, President Barack Obama is to unveil his plans for the auto industry, including a response to a request for additional funds by GM and Chrysler. The plan is based on recommendations from the Presidential Task Force on the Auto Industry, headed by the Treasury Department. (Politico)

The Typical White Person has learned of some newly proposed car models Americans can expect in the coming months and years, models that reflect our new sense of unity and purpose as our government now enters into the auto business for you and me.

*(With apologies to Chrysler’s Employee Plus Plus marketing plan. They do sound desperate no? Big Government plus plus has a real ring to it, though IMHO.)

Congress has put forth the following Proposed Models:

• The Chevy Analogy (by Gary Ackerman, which comes with a free Custom Grille by Congress)
• Chevy QUICK (buy!) SILVER
• Saturn Bad-aura
• Saturn (room without a) Vue
• Chevy Malibu Carbon Credits, or the Chevy MCC
• Chevy ALASKA pickup
• Chevy Impalers
• Cadillac SRX Crosseyes
• the bullet-proof Cadillac Obamalade
• Cadillac STS V8 Vegetable (which includes the all new Food Guidance System, which may get you lost, but can recommend what foods you’re supposed to eat in the meantime, and includes a free copy of the FDA Dietary Guidelines )
• Pontiac G20
• the all new Chrysler Station Wagoner (honoring the former CEO)
• HUMMER BHOrrific
• Duke Lacrosse Team by Buick
• Buick Reid National Exclave
• SAAB SportBombi
• DODD RAM with the all-new head-in-the-sand navigational system

*In case you missed the joke, Chrysler was running a marketing campaign called Employee Pricing plus plus ++, and that explains my Government Plus Plus joke.

The all new SAAB SportBombi – Presented by (and emulating) Congress

SAAB SportBombi